Sup fugazors? I know it’s been a long time since I last wrapped at ya, but it’s been a crazy holiday. After accepting a new job, handing in my two weeks notice, and then spending some time down at my rents’ house for christmas, there’s been a lot of celebrating going on and my liver has taken a beating. On Christmas Eve I actually thought I was going to die because I was so hungover, but a few shots of Pepto and a nap or two later and I was completely cured. BEST HANGOVER CURE EVER. That is how I saved Christmas!

I got back to my apartment two days ago and been meaning to post on fugaze (my parents don’t have an internet connection) but when I went to go turn on my iMac it was DEAD. It wasn’t even getting any power. So after a few days of rage and fucking around with it I found a way to get it to work (plug it in, unplug it, then turn on the power. Who knew??) I also managed to lose my cell phone twice over the break, so if I didn’t return anyone’s calls my apologies.

So now that everything is settling down we’ll finally have some time to give out those fugaze of the year awards. Stay tuned! (this time I’m not fucking around).

Oh, one last thing. Over the holidays the fugaze office got a new mascot. He’s a baby black cat named Felice (pronounced “Feleech-eh”) - that’s WOP for Felix. He’s a total dude cat too - watches tv and shit with you. I’ll post some pictures of him doing dude shit soon (Kristi won’t let me put a dart in his mouth though).

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Happy Chanuka. Kwazy Kwanza. The Shitter’s Full.

Allow me to air a grievance.

You’re all weak.

Few can dispute that the majority of professional athletes (with the exception of Olympians and male porn stars) are grossly overpaid.
That being said, most of these sports men/women often endure pain and suffering in order to somewhat justify their million dollar paycheques:
The football player that plays with a broken hand.
The hockey player that steps on the ice with a broken ankle.
The boxer that returns to the ring after his 12th concussion.
The gymnast that maintains a firm dismount after breaking multiple leg bones.
The Soccer player that takes a slide tackle to the jib jabs and presses on.
The basketball player that sits out 5 games with a bruised knee.
What??
Right off the bat, I’ll admit that I am biased in that I am a tremendous fan of hockey and football.
I enjoy watching basketball, and believe that they are some of the most talented athletes in the world.
But I find it utterly ridiculous how pussy assed most professional basketball players have become these days. It seems all too often that a marquee player is put on the IR for injuries that would make a golfer chuckle.
And if and when a fight does break out in a basketball game, the resulting ‘brawl’ often resembles a crowd of 10 year old girls btich slapping each other in the schoolyard.*
Take a look at this article, which further enhances my point:
http://www.thestar.com/Sports/article/164332
I’m interested to hear your thoughts.
*See recent Carmelo Anthony ‘fight’
 

As you’ve probably noticed the fugaze of the month column has not been updated for December yet and still has that lard ass Limbaugh’s giant mug posted there. Part of this is due to laziness, but part is also due to the fact that it’s December. It’s the one month of the year that we can all come together and celebrate the single most important event in the history of …..humanity. Of course, I am speaking of THE FUGAZIS - FUGAZE OF THE YEAR AWARDS!

Naturally, some people are just born fugaze and are clear front runners in this year’s race. Your K-fed’s and Brandon Flowers’ come to mind. Any hollywood starlet that has had her vajine photographed more than once in public is definitely in good shape to take the award as well.

But what we really want to know is who you, the fugaze nation, thinks should take the award. Please leave a reply in the comments to nominate your fugaze of the year!

We’ve all seen it - you pull into a Tim Horton’s and some grease bag has parked his “tricked out” honda civic diagonally across three spaces. Or the douche who parallel parks and takes up enough space for three cars. THESE PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES!

Finally the internet has produced a website where we can all mock these assholes in public! www.youparklikeanasshole.com.

Here’s how it works:

You go to the site and you print of a simple little check list - print several, just so you always have them handy in your glovebox. Then the next time you see an asshole, check off the appropriate box and leave the folded leaflet under their windshield wiper. For bonus marks, take a picture of the asshole’s parking job and upload it to the site. That way when the asshole visits the website (given that they do), they are educated on all the facets of asshole parking and they may even see a picture of their own crime!

I just think that’s swell.

Link

If you haven’t seen it yet, the Lonely Island guys at SNL (the dudes who did Lazy Sunday) have done it again. This one is about the perfect holiday gift for all you ladies out there.

by the way, i’m pretty sure these guys ripped off this schtick from fugaze.com’s very own “Double Stuff” featuring diamond dave soave and james “dr. professor buh” muste.

‘This is the best album of the last 20 years.’ Brandon Flowers. 

Need I say more?

Pfffffffffft. 

These guys are next best thing to come out of Newmarket, Ontario since Glass Tiger, Jamie Macoun and yours truly. 

This EP has been out for just over a year and is a tease at only 16 minutes; but it’s 16 minutes of absolute goodness. 

I’d describe their sound as a sloppy orgy of Bloc Party, the Strokes and Arcade Fire. 

They’ve been getting mad buzz lately and they’re currently working on their full length debut. 

Have a listen: 

http://www.myspace.com/tokyopoliceclub 

Exclusive to fugaze.com (well, not really), we have the new Arcade Fire track, Intervention!! The BBC aired it and luckily a few people managed to rip it onto mp3.

How can you not love this??

link

What happens when you stick a bunch of kids in a room and force them to play old school video games? I’ll tell you what happens - absolute hiliarity! EGM (a gaming magazine) conducted this experiment a few years ago for an article. It soon became the most popular article they’ve ever printed so they recently decided to make a sequel.

Here’s an excert of the kids playing Mike Tyson’s Punchout:

Anthony: If Mike Tyson was in this game, his special move would be to bite people’s ears. Then he’d be all gloating about it, but then the sound’s all low because you can’t hear him because your ears are gone. [Points at the next opponent, Von Kaiser] That’s Mike Tyson, and he’s trying to bite off your ear.

Garret: That’s not Mike Tyson. Are you kidding me? Mike Tyson does not have a handlebar moustache, and he’s not white.

EGM: [Laughing] So those are the two things that make you think that’s not Mike Tyson?

Garret: Yeah, plus this guy’s wearing pants.

Link

***UPDATE***
This just keeps getting funnier and funnier!
While playing the arcade hit, 720:

GM: Now you have to imagine, you just paid a quarter to play what you played.

Garret: Oh, that’s lame.

EGM: And you’re going to pay another quarter to do this again.

Garret: Oh, that’s weak.